I'm not angry anymore...
A while back I posted about feeling a lot of anger around logging.
I went through about two solid weeks of really really struggling with it. I mean, I was genuinely pissed off about it - and not really sure why.
There were a lot of very useful comments to that post, and I really got a lot of value from them.
One of the things I did was to just spend some time "in" that anger. Not working too hard to analyze it or try to work through it, but to just be aware of it. Maybe even paying attention to what part of logging was triggering me (which I never really figured out) - but not trying to change anything.
Near the end of the second week - after I had struggled through my action plan to log a certain number of days, I just started to feel better about it. Nothing really changed, at least that I can think of, but like a storm cloud clearing to reveal sunny skies above - my dark mood lifted.
It was not that I was magically and suddenly happy about logging - but rather a calm realization that it does help my (attempted) management, and an acceptance that I just had to do it.
I do believe that there will be times where I go through "rough periods" where that anger comes to the surface again - that just seems to be how it works for me - ups & downs, back & "forths".
I think though that I can minimize the down times, and get back on top after just a short time of that anger stuff. Normally I would set an unrealistic goal and try to totally eliminate those times. I don't think that's possible though.
Maybe coming to terms with the fact that there will be times where I'm angry, and to be Ok with short periods of it - that may be what has helped.
Kevin was generous enough to share an excel logbook that he uses (thanks Kevin!!). I like it quite a bit. There's a lot of room for free form notes, along with space to record up to four BG's per hour, carbs, boluses and basal rates. Each workbook has a tab for each day over a one week period, with some additional tabs for some averages (broken down by weekday/weekend), and a nice line graph for each of those tabs.
I still use my paper logbooks, but not as much as I used to. I pretty much only use those when I'm not at work - where I just plug them right into the spreadsheet.
I've found them very valuable while I'm playing basketball - the graph is so helpful because I can get a visual on how fast my BG is rising or falling. That visual is very important for me.
Then, once back at work, I'll go through the log and/or my pump and plug the information into the spreadsheet.
I've been using this "combination" method for about a week and a half - and it's working well for me so far. I feel somewhat liberated by not having to carry that little checkbook sized book around, along with it's pen or pencil - I mean, what good is it if you have nothing to write with!!
Until next time!
I went through about two solid weeks of really really struggling with it. I mean, I was genuinely pissed off about it - and not really sure why.
There were a lot of very useful comments to that post, and I really got a lot of value from them.
One of the things I did was to just spend some time "in" that anger. Not working too hard to analyze it or try to work through it, but to just be aware of it. Maybe even paying attention to what part of logging was triggering me (which I never really figured out) - but not trying to change anything.
Near the end of the second week - after I had struggled through my action plan to log a certain number of days, I just started to feel better about it. Nothing really changed, at least that I can think of, but like a storm cloud clearing to reveal sunny skies above - my dark mood lifted.
It was not that I was magically and suddenly happy about logging - but rather a calm realization that it does help my (attempted) management, and an acceptance that I just had to do it.
I do believe that there will be times where I go through "rough periods" where that anger comes to the surface again - that just seems to be how it works for me - ups & downs, back & "forths".
I think though that I can minimize the down times, and get back on top after just a short time of that anger stuff. Normally I would set an unrealistic goal and try to totally eliminate those times. I don't think that's possible though.
Maybe coming to terms with the fact that there will be times where I'm angry, and to be Ok with short periods of it - that may be what has helped.
Kevin was generous enough to share an excel logbook that he uses (thanks Kevin!!). I like it quite a bit. There's a lot of room for free form notes, along with space to record up to four BG's per hour, carbs, boluses and basal rates. Each workbook has a tab for each day over a one week period, with some additional tabs for some averages (broken down by weekday/weekend), and a nice line graph for each of those tabs.
I still use my paper logbooks, but not as much as I used to. I pretty much only use those when I'm not at work - where I just plug them right into the spreadsheet.
I've found them very valuable while I'm playing basketball - the graph is so helpful because I can get a visual on how fast my BG is rising or falling. That visual is very important for me.
Then, once back at work, I'll go through the log and/or my pump and plug the information into the spreadsheet.
I've been using this "combination" method for about a week and a half - and it's working well for me so far. I feel somewhat liberated by not having to carry that little checkbook sized book around, along with it's pen or pencil - I mean, what good is it if you have nothing to write with!!
Until next time!
posted by Scott K. Johnson | 5:08 PM
8 Comments:
Can I get Kevin's log too, please :) I think I could use something like that...seeing that I still haven't been recording ANYTHING (ugh). So much for my goals :o(.
Thanks for your help! And glad that things seem to be looking up for you :)
I could so use that as well can I get a copy? I am still not logging well and I have it all set up in a 3 ring binder but hate caring it around and I am still angry and trying to get thru it because I am suppose to return to joslin in a month with logged items and I dont have it .. would greatly appriciate it
Scott,
Me too! Me too!!! haha
I've been using an excel sheet I created that I print out and write on... and the last time I recorded anything was two weeks ago! I can definitely relate to your logging troubles. I usually do okay throughout the day while I'm at school and can jot things down while at my desk, but when I get home in the evenings, the last thing I want to do is to sit down and write down every bite I eat in the evenings. Of course, if I did that, maybe I wouldn't eat all evening.... hmmm.... there may be a method to the madness... haha
If you could email me the log, if possible, that would be great too!!! (millerll@bedford.k12.pa.us)
Thanks!
excel is a pretty useful tool for tracking diabetes - i have a spreadsheet that logs every event going downwards, so there's no limit to the # of tests you can input. you just have to tie everything back to a blood glucose reading.
if you do it this way and label each test by date and time and type (breakfast, bedtime etc). then you can do all sorts of averaging and check on standard deviation really easily once you figure out how to use pivot tables.
Scott, I'm wondering if maybe you can ease into your logging? Seems like your commenters have pretty detailed logs, which is great, but maybe to get you in the mode just make something simple.
Of course, I'm a woman, so carrying around another purse is really no big deal for me, but I carry a separate, smaller purse for my meter and my log sheets. (Maybe a fanny pack?) Anyway, the point of that is that my log is very simple. I can log three days on one regular sheet of paper. I have a box for what I ate for each meal and a smaller box underneath for my post-meal reading. i also have a place for snacks and bedtime snacks/readings.
Just a thought.
Oh, by the way, did you know that your Diabetes OC Web Ring link doesn't work?
Lots of great feedback and ideas here. Keep it coming!
On the requests for Kevin's spreadsheet, I've sent him an e-mail to get his thoughts on it - and he responded saying he'll be busy most of the weekend. We'll talk more about it early next week and go from there.
As much as I'd love to just send it out - it is his creation, so I want his input on the subject before I do anything.
Michko - that's a great idea on getting me through the rough spots - keeping it simple.
And thanks for letting me know my webring link is broken. I'll take a look at it.
Ok, webring link fixed. Thanks for letting me know.
You'd think I would have tested that - I'm sure now it's been broken the whole time. I've been messing up the whole damn thing for all this time.
That's what we call and "ID 10 T" error. Get it? "ID10T"? "IDIOT"?
:-)
Don't you think the reason you didn't want to log was that in your heart you felt it was just a waste of time. It is when you feel that there is a point in doing it, that it has a real purpose, that it helps YOU, that one can keep doing it.Do you think I am glad you are not angry anymore - that must mean that you ARE learning stuff and that will prod you on to continue. For the last 2 years I have logged everything. It is amost like a diary because so much affects your values - what you eat, if you are angry, what exercise you got. Actually it is quite personal. I get interested in why things change and this pushes me to do "little scientific" test, like change only one variable compared to the day before - then maybe I will know WHY something happened. I HATE not understanding what happens. I would like to see Kevin's charts too, if you could send them to me. I have had diabetes for 43 years and a pump for soon 2 years. LOVE the pump. Now it is possible to get somewhat good results. It is always failing that kills you and makes you stop trying.
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