Unsteady Ground

The water is about knee-deep in most places. Brown and murky, I'm not able to see the terrain of the riverbed. But I know that it is absolutely littered with debris. Rocks. Downed trees. Holes and pits.

I know this because I've been stumbling along - slamming my feet and legs into things, if I'm lucky the edges are not too sharp or jagged.

Jarring my knees and spine with unexpected drops into holes or off of small ledges. Then tripping back up when the landscape levels off.

Or stepping halfway onto a rounded rock, slippery with the muck and growth. My foot seems to accelerate off the rock as it slips down the surface, pulling me forward into the next obstacle.

I'm not allowed to slow down - it's just simply not allowed!

Try as I might to slow down, the current of life is pushing and pulling me along. I can not be hesitant or careful with my steps. I march forward fully expecting the ground to be solid and stable beneath my feet. Unable to slow down and tentatively feel out the terrain below my next step.

I muster up my confidence and continue to move on. Sure that I'll find my rhythm and routine any step now.

Walking full speed in knee deep, obstacle ridden, brown murky waters. That is what it has been like for me experimenting with Novolog.

I usually pump Humalog insulin. I have for as long as I can remember (does anyone remember when it was first made available?). I had an opportunity to get my hands on a bottle of Novolog, and wanted to try it. For no good reason really. The Humalog was/is working fine (for the most part). It seems a little slow for me at times, but not enough to make me want to get rid of it.

From what I can tell, the Humalog vs. Novolog use is just as individual as we are. For some people one works better than the other, and for other people they can't tell any difference. Some folks have had to switch because of insurance arrangements. Others prefer one over the other.

For me, the out of pocket cost is the same. I have noticed that for meal boluses, the Novolog seems to kick in faster, which I kind of like. Same for correction boluses. I rocket down like some kind of bungee jump ride that doesn't bounce back up. They don't seem to stop when I've reached my target - they keep going and dragging my BG down with them! Resulting in lows, which I'm prone to over treat. I haven't had the time to really dig in and test with it though.

For the most part it has made me unsure of my ratios and calculations. These same ratios and calculations that I have been using for years. It has made me less confident of my moves when I'm bolusing for a meal or for a correction. A little gun shy maybe.

But then I pay for it when I reduce the recommended doses.

I am 100% sure that, given enough time, I could figure it out (we are good at figuring things out). But, without a good reason to change right now, I will probably just add this knowledge to my toolbox and put it away for a while.

Granted, it may not be the best time to make a decision. Somewhat shaky about things and anxious to get back to my clear and shallow swimming pool - clear water and a flat and stable concrete bottom.

I'm also in a position where I don't need to make a decision. If I choose to re-evaluate again in the future, I'll have a better idea what I'm getting into and can maybe better set my expectations. I am deciding not to decide right now.

It sure has been an interesting few days!