Warning - graphic and gross pictures ahead. Turn back now if you are bothered by blood.
I changed my infusion set tonight. It had been three and a half days, a little less than another day of insulin in the cartridge, and just time to do it.
My old site was on my lower back, an inch or two left of my spine, and inch or so above my belt line. Basically as far back as I could reach. I put my new site in a similar location, but on the right side this time. All was good.
After inserting the new site, there are still things left to do. I have a routine that goes almost automatically. Part of that routine is after removing the old infusion site, I like to wipe the area with the alcohol swab that I used to clean and prepare the new site. It's just something I've always done.
So in the middle of my routine I am filling my tubing and I grab my used alcohol swab and wipe the old site. Once, twice, three then four times. I'm done wiping and go to set the swab down. And it's soaked with blood. A damn gusher.
My gushers rarely spray or squirt blood, rather it just, well, gushes! Huge, steady, thick streams of blood. And they take forever to stop bleeding.
For those unaccustomed to the term, a gusher happens sometimes when you remove your infusion set. You might nick a capillary or something (insert proper medical terminology here...), and it bleeds like crazy for a little bit.
Nothing to worry about, but it can be messy. And hope the cops don't come in the middle of one, or someone in the house is likely to get locked up. Blood frickin' everywhere.
There had been a delay between my pulling my old set out and wiping with the swab. Nothing huge, but easily 10 or 15 seconds. Do you have any idea how much blood can ooze out in 10 or 15 seconds?
Now I'm still filling the tubing on my pump - and trying to scramble to find a tissue, or napkin, or something that I can put back there. This something has two purposes - to soak up whatever blood is already there, and to absorb the blood that continues to gush out. So I've got insulin dripping steadily out of my unattached tubing, and blood gushing steadily out of my back somewhere.
I find a napkin, stick it on my back, then tell my pump to stop filling the tubing (after confirming that there was indeed insulin dripping from the exposed end (safety first people - pumping air will do you no good...)). The napkin stuck on my back by itself, held on by the blood (just like toilet paper and shaving nicks...).
I sat and applied pressure to my "wound" (?) for a bit, then took off the napkin. I found a clean spot on the napkin and wiped again to check for any fresh blood, and confirmed I was through it. Messy tragedy dealt with.
As I surveyed the carnage, bloody napkin and alcohol swab laying there with the rest of my normal site change trash, I thought "why is this Ok?".
Why is it Ok for any of us to have to deal with this?
All of this technology, science, money - why are we forced to use these primitive tools to deal with this shit? It is settled for. People are Ok with having to stick something under our skin to deliver insulin, and we settle for it. This is not how the non-diabetic person works!!
Don't get me wrong - without the tools and advancements we have, our job would be much, much more difficult. I am thankful for what we have. But I am pissed that we are Ok with it. And I am pissed that the basic treatment for us (insulin) has not changed. Insulin is not a cure.
These pictures are gross and bloody. But if this is what I deal with sometimes, than you will see them too. I'm not going to censor the images because this is diabetes made visible
. It's the real deal folks. It should not just be Ok to have to deal with stupid shit like this.
In the end - it's really not a big deal.
My very wise wife said "well it's no use in getting mad about it!", and she is right (as usual).
But I was not really mad at this specific gusher, but rather all that it symbolized for me at the time. The very primitive treatment that we deal with, and accept, and adapt our lives to.
Diabetes made visible dammit. Put it out there so people can see what it is about on a daily basis. It is not Ok. It should not be settled for.