Scott's Diabetes Blog

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Location: Minneapolis, Minnesota, United States

Diagnosed with Type 1 diabetes in April of 1980. I recognize the incredible mental struggle of living with diabetes. I hope to share my struggles, my successes, and everything in between.

Saturday, December 29, 2007

I Don't Want to Know...

I know that food is my downfall. I know that food is the root cause of most of my diabetes management woes. I know that I need to know more about food.

I know that the Glycemic Index is a pretty important aspect of food. It is a measurement of how fast certain foods raise blood sugar.

David Mendosa has been talking about the glycemic index for a very long time, and I'm sure that he is where I first heard of it. David has been writing about diabetes for about as long as I can remember reading about it. I view his information as very credible and well researched, and I encourage all of you to take a look at his website and to subscribe to his blog.

About a month ago I caught a burst of health related motivation. I rushed off to the bookstore determined to pick up a book on the glycemic index. I was motivated to learn all that I could about this important measurement about food.

As usual, I was so juiced up and excited to learn, I didn't buy ONE book, but rather three or four. Rather than doing the smart thing, spending a little bit of cash and buying a single book to see whether or not it was useful to me, I spent a bunch of cash and bought a bunch of books. I'm really good at not being smart about stuff when I get excited about it.

You know how much of the first book I've read so far? About twenty pages. And it has been painful. I can't get into the book, but that is no fault of the book. I just don't want to know. I'm not motivated to keep reading.

I'm trying my damnedest to ignore the fact that I need to change my food ways.

I can finish a huge computer book in a single weekend. I can polish off a book about kayaking or geocaching in a few days. I can read a novel at bedtime, little by little, and find that it keeps me up later than I should be up. Books that suck me in and don't let me put it down.

A good book about helping me change my dietary habits - my brain just refuses to get into it.

I am so completely amazed at the depth of my food issues. This is one fight that I am having real trouble fighting.

I would rather ignore the problem altogether and have some doritos. What good comes from rebellion of this sort? None! So why is it so hard to stop?

Monday, December 24, 2007

"Uncle! Uncle!!"

It is, quite simply, a tradition for me. For as long as I can remember, and for as long as I'm around, Christmas eve will have at least one constant.

I know the characters. I know the props (even down the the cloth fake dog tail stuck in the door...). I know the lines. I've got my kids repeating parts of the story. I've been known, at any time, to pop a VHS tape in that I recorded during the 24-hour marathon on TBS. I swear I could watch the movie non-stop, forever.

I know there are others of you out there. And the rest of you probably hate the movie. That's the way it goes with this type of thing.

A sign of my addiction to this movie is that I've been able to draw analogies between the movie and my life with diabetes. I would probably score that one in the "Bad Signs" category...

In this case it is Low Blood Sugar.

And his buddy, Rebound High.

Their only pleasure in life is stalking and tormenting victims at every opportunity.

You see that? Low Blood Sugar working to pry a submission to its evil will (which is to eat everything in sight, even if all you need is a single gram of carbohydrate...), and Rebound High patiently waiting for his turn later...

They are the best of buddies, these two.

But it is always Low Blood Sugar that starts the trouble.

But we all know what happened...

Happy holidays everyone!

Friday, December 14, 2007

I Hate Food

I hate food.

I hate that I love to eat.

I hate that I don't really love to eat because there is all kinds of mental bullshit attached to it.

I hate it doesn't even matter if the food is good or not. I sometimes keep eating in hopes that the next bite will somehow magically taste so much better than the last.

I hate that I sometimes eat just to fill time.

I hate that I eat because I'm tired or bored or upset about something.

I hate that food plays such a big role in managing diabetes.

I hate feeling so damn uneducated about nutrition.

I hate using that as an excuse for poor choices and poor lifestyle.

I hate knowing that I would probably struggle with food issues even if I didn't have diabetes.

I hate thinking that maybe I have food issues BECAUSE of diabetes and the baggage it attaches to food.

I hate that I know enough to know that I shouldn't be eating so much of certain things.

I hate that I love carbs.

I hate that it is carbs that do the blood sugar damage (why oh why couldn't it be rabbit meat or something strange and gross like that?).

I hate that I hate so much of the other things (fruits, veggies, salads, healthy proteins, meat).

I hate that I don't use good healthy food to fuel and repair my body.

I hate that there is so much to learn, and that I keep procrastinating.

I hate that I really know it is not that difficult or hard to do, but I keep using that as an excuse to take the first step.

I hate that I am not genuinely interested in learning about food and how that undermines my efforts to do so.

I hate that I understand I need to acknowledge the role that food plays in my diabetes and lifestyle management in order to move in the right direction.

I Hate Food.