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Location: Minneapolis, Minnesota, United States

Diagnosed with Type 1 diabetes in April of 1980. I recognize the incredible mental struggle of living with diabetes. I hope to share my struggles, my successes, and everything in between.

Friday, December 14, 2007

I Hate Food

I hate food.

I hate that I love to eat.

I hate that I don't really love to eat because there is all kinds of mental bullshit attached to it.

I hate it doesn't even matter if the food is good or not. I sometimes keep eating in hopes that the next bite will somehow magically taste so much better than the last.

I hate that I sometimes eat just to fill time.

I hate that I eat because I'm tired or bored or upset about something.

I hate that food plays such a big role in managing diabetes.

I hate feeling so damn uneducated about nutrition.

I hate using that as an excuse for poor choices and poor lifestyle.

I hate knowing that I would probably struggle with food issues even if I didn't have diabetes.

I hate thinking that maybe I have food issues BECAUSE of diabetes and the baggage it attaches to food.

I hate that I know enough to know that I shouldn't be eating so much of certain things.

I hate that I love carbs.

I hate that it is carbs that do the blood sugar damage (why oh why couldn't it be rabbit meat or something strange and gross like that?).

I hate that I hate so much of the other things (fruits, veggies, salads, healthy proteins, meat).

I hate that I don't use good healthy food to fuel and repair my body.

I hate that there is so much to learn, and that I keep procrastinating.

I hate that I really know it is not that difficult or hard to do, but I keep using that as an excuse to take the first step.

I hate that I am not genuinely interested in learning about food and how that undermines my efforts to do so.

I hate that I understand I need to acknowledge the role that food plays in my diabetes and lifestyle management in order to move in the right direction.

I Hate Food.

25 Comments:

Blogger Zazzy said...

I love food. I hate my relationship with food. I hate that *all* I really need to do is practice portion control. I hate that enough is never enough. I hate that in my mind food promises to make me feel better but, like an alcholic who knows full well that drink will kill him, food can't make me feel better, it makes me feel guilty and ashamed and sad.

Hugs to you Scott. I wish it weren't such a struggle.

12:12 AM  
Blogger Shannon said...

Food...you can't live with it, you can't live without it.

12:57 AM  
Blogger Bernard said...

Thanks Scott.

3:32 AM  
Blogger Jillian said...

Shannon said it best. Food is evil yet essential. Good luck finding a solution that works for you!

6:47 AM  
Blogger Kevin said...

I hear ya. Loud and clear. Seems like a cathartic post to have written. I hope it was.

Mmmmmmm, rabbit meat.....

6:59 AM  
Anonymous in search of balance said...

I've eaten rabbit meat. It was.... rabbity. The woman I lived with in Italy asked me if I liked bunnies, to which I said sure, and then the next day she served me one. Eep!

I'm sorry that food is sucking for you right now. I have periods like that. It's hard to square with what diabetes does to your diet, and with the guilt that comes from what it should do but doesn't. I'm hoping that food gets less troublesome after the holidays... for all our sakes!

Best wishes to you, Scott.

2:26 PM  
Anonymous Karen said...

My thoughts exactly!!!

All I want is carbs. :(

6:19 PM  
Blogger Carol said...

Scott I think you are onto something. When I lazily coast along and don't think too much about food, I enjoy it. But when I'm logging (distant memory), and really buckled down on accurate carb counting, food feels more like the enemy. I know there's a balance there somewhere. Here's hoping we can both come a bit closer to it.

8:44 AM  
Blogger Molly said...

Oh Scott,
I hear you.

What person with diabetes DOESN'T have food issues?

The day that I got my drivers license, I took the car up to the local drugstore, bought a snickers, and then sat in the car and ate the whole thing. I was in hiding. This was way before correction boluses.

It seems like you've been working hard at this issue. Finding out that you like hummus and dried blueberries...

You're not alone.

8:17 PM  
Blogger AmyT said...

Scott,

I so hear you. I fight with myself constantly over lusting for those carbs, that taste so good and I just KNOW they're going to mess me up.

Hang in there!

11:29 AM  
Blogger Cara said...

AMEN! It's the worst thing in the world. It's no wonder so many diabetics are anorexic or bulimic. Food controls so much of our lives. And American's lives. I love carbs. I hate that I know we should low carb, and I just don't have the willpower to do it.

9:17 PM  
Blogger Bad Decision Maker said...

hey scott,
thanks so much for posting this. i feel you on many of these.

recently i have been just barely catching myself from snapping on a (non-diabetic) friend who i think has food issues. i love her dearly but the food stuff PISSES me off, makes me so irrationally angry, even more so since she's not diabetic. obviously this is at least as much the result of my issues as hers (as my therapist helped me realize). but it sucks. i hate it.

3:20 AM  
OpenID talesofmy30s said...

We try, we really try to enjoy food (with portion control) - but sometimes we just hate it, too.

And what Shannon said.

8:18 AM  
Blogger BetterCell said...

I love Food and work with it professionally as well.
Now that you know what it is you Hate, you can begin the process of Love, which is less self-destuctive.
Just substitute your Hate for Love to make room in your Life for a better way of coping with everyday issues.

10:37 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Thanks for talking about this...wouldn't life be so much easier for us diabetics sometimes if we didn't have to eat?

3:41 PM  
Blogger BetterCell said...

Hey Annonymous.......
Not eating is like not Living Life and no, "Life would not be so much easier."
It is all a matter of knowing your Limits and having "control" of your actions.
I am not a Diabetic, but I do have T1DM.

9:45 PM  
Blogger Brett said...

Hi Scott:

I just stumbled across this site. I have a 5 1/2 year old daughter who was diagnosed at 16 months of age.

Reading this post helped me a lot. I don't know why, but its always helpful to hear a little rage in someone else on these topics. It kills me when Caroline says 'I want a snack' and then abruptly changes her mind when I tell her she has to check her blood sugar first.

I started exercising soon after she was diagnosed. I feel like total crap when I set my alarm for 2 hours later to go check her again (most nights I check her right after she goes to sleep, and then again around 11pm or midnight). So instead of that, now I just go run for awhile and then come back.

I have zero control over food myself. If it weren't for my exercise, I would probably be more than just the 10 pounds overweight I am now. I can clearly see huge performance improvements when I occassionally drop a few pounds. But no matter, I have no self-control when it comes to food.

And throw in Diabetes, and I can't imagine. I am mad and hate it for you too.

8:05 AM  
Blogger Hannah said...

Thank you for this. You've said what I feel, too. (Except I guess I'm lucky in that I like fruits and salads and meats...I just probably don't eat enough of them. Sigh.)

11:34 PM  
Blogger k2 said...

I hear u brother ! I love food, I hate food, and boy do I crave carbs.


Thanks for putting our food struggles into words.

8:22 AM  
Blogger Minnesota Nice said...

What an interesting post and insightful comments - each really spoke to me. And, judging by the depth of the responses, this is a pretty significant problem for many of us.
I am certain that I'd have my "issues" even if I didn't have db. With flexible meal plans and rapid acting insulin there is no reason for anyone to feel deprived
anymore. But.....I guess I just feel like I deserve "a treat" because db is such a big siuation to cope with. Today, at work, I was even thinkng that I deserved a treat (namely, my paws in a big tin of caramelcorn) because you never can tell, this might be my last Christmas - ---blah blah blah.
Yes, the drama queen has risen.

Yet, I still hae hope - hope that I will et back to more orderly eating, and, maybe I'm making the process harder than it need be.

Sigh........

7:25 PM  
Anonymous Gina said...

I hear you dude.

3:40 PM  
Blogger Tom said...

i like blog ...Has anyone read or heard anything about Fatlossity? It's supposed to be a money back guaranteed weight loss system that works on nutrition, exercise, and lifestyle factors to help you lose weight fast and keep it off. Any info would be helpful – thanks!

1:23 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I know what you mean. I hate the constant management of Type 1 diabetes. Either I count the carbs and eat limited portions, or I pay for it later. It is quite a burden to have to manually regulate your diet, insulin, and exercise to maintain normal blood sugar levels. It is a weight around my neck. I think a lot of times of all the stuff I could accomplish if I could somehow redirect the energy I expend on managing my diabetes to something else. That makes me really depressed. For the longest time I even had the silly idea I could create an artificial pancreas system that would free me from this burden. I've given up hope for a cure. The glucose meter manufacturers, prescription drug companies, and doctors make way too much money off diabetics for them to develop a cure. Not to mention the legal liability of selling artificial pancreas systems! If diabetes has taught me anything, it is that no-one can really do anything for you. Do it yourself is the only way.

4:40 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hi Scott, I am a new diabetic. I hear ya!

Please dont hate me...I will repost this on my blog with credits to you.

Thank you in advance!

1:48 PM  
Blogger 123 123 said...

Interesting article as for me. I'd like to read a bit more concerning this matter. Thanks for giving that data.
Joan Stepsen
High tech gadgets

8:41 AM  

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