Do you ever feel like there are 48 hours in the day, and you still
can't get everything done?! And those long 48 hours are daytime working hours, while the nights, where you get your precious sleep, are but a short 2 or 3 minutes long?
I have been B.U.S.Y. lately. Just haven't had the time to sit down and hammer out any posts. I have also not had any topics that were just begging for attention. Nothing real particular that's keeping me busy, just work and life in general. Plus with the nice weather, my family has been outside more, and that's just much more fun that sitting in front of the computer.
I'm a big advocate of posting when time & motivation dictate - I don't feel any obligation to get material out on a certain schedule or time line. I do it when I can, and when I feel like I've got something to say.
Today I want to ramble on about motivation.
I know that for myself, my motivation levels change a lot over the course of a short period of time. Sometimes it's a matter of hours, other times it can be weeks or a month.
I believe that it is normal for motivation levels to go up and down. That's just human nature. Nobody feels great all the time. Everyone goes through periods where they are feeling a little down, or not up to the task of eating healthy and exercising. It's normal.
I think that being diabetic straps you down with a whole mess of extra emotions and feelings of guilt and shame when going through a rough period. We are also always loaded down with a bunch of diabetes related work - whether that means checking BG's, counting and calculating, reacting to highs or lows, planning for anticipated activities or scrambling to recover from some miscalculation or mistake, or from things out of our control (pump problem or situation we didn't anticipate).
The fact that we never, ever, get a break from all of that leads to burnout. Burnout leads to low motivation. Burnout leads to a "fuck it" attitude. Burnout leads to problems.
Why is it that during high times of motivation, burnout is not an issue? We do what we have to do, and don't really think much about it? We get on with out lives, and all the rest of the normal joys and pains that life brings along with it.
Burnout with diabetes is inevitable. There is just sometimes too much to deal with - especially when you feel like you are doing everything you can do, and it's still
not working "right". I think we all often also feel that our diabetic management (or lack of it) is somehow a judgement of us for some reason. Much of this is self imposed, but there have been many a doctors or other health professionals who ask "what are you doing wrong
". Maybe we have been conditioned to feel that way? Maybe it's easy for a non-diabetic clinician to pass judgement on things - when they can quit thinking about it after 4:30pm.
I am trying to stop thinking in terms of right and wrong - it's hurtful and of no benefit to anyone. I am also trying to be gentle with myself (thanks ruppert
!) during my down periods. Recognizing that they are a natural part of life, and at the same time trying to minimize the time I spend there.
There have been a lot of great comments lately suggesting that I can perhaps simplify things when I'm feeling down. I think that is a great idea. I can be a wannabe perfectionist when I'm feeling "motivationally" high, and I can be a perfect minimalist when I'm feeling "motivationally" low.
I guess the point of this is that it's completely natural to have ups and downs, and to find a way to roll with the punches might be better than trying to swim against the current.
Until next time - take care!